i NEVER post here. i guess it makes that rare posting i do do more special...anyways, i got new ink. yay!
im supposed to be an artist.. right. right? and i wonder why i feel so blah. working for such a busy store that focuses so hard on sales, its drained me of all my creative energy. i really wish i could take a 2 months hiatus and find myself again. i cant remember what its like to paint, feel creative and to not be tired all the time. oh, and to not be constantly gaining weight. ive gained 30 lbs since november and in total im 65lbs over my goal weight. its feels like im looking down a dark, cold hole thats just getting darker the longer i give myself to this company. but this is real life right? who can afford to take a hiatus. are we all just living to pay bills and to lose ourself just to have food on the table?
when youve made the right decision? I stepped down as a manager of Sephora last week, case Ive had enough b.s. Long story short I am happier, albiet a wee bit poorer, but feeling good about my choice. I am hoping a creative/artistic role will come up and I can pursue that.
The last two days I have had to work 4-1am. Seriously? Yes! Being a manager at Sephora is sometimes not as fun as I'd like it to be. I sat my boss down and told her that I have been feeling pushed aside when it comes to the other managers.. and somehow everything got turned around to I'm being a victim. But I cant take this statement serious because my boss tells EVERYONE that they're being a victim. Instead of working together we're expected to work separately and not as team, which is bizarre to me. Anyways, I have today off and I dont want to think about work. The only thing I'll say is that I don't want to do this forever. I'd actually be happy answering phones somewhere for, oh, $16/hr. I am getting burned out from cosmetics and retail. No wonder I have a hard time keeping a smile on my face. Ive been doing this for 15 years straight. Ugh, that's so depressing. I need to find a passion that pays and that allow me to become independent.
I think I'll spend the day downloading more old music and playing Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare. And maybe put up our Halloween decorations s I won have time in the next week.
My back is killing me from all the retrofits from the last two days.
Oh! Did I mention my 15 year high school reunion is coming up on the 8th? Lisa, Trish and a few other friends from high school are going to go to Lisa's place in Langley beforehand to have a few drinks and apply's and then head out to it. So far 70 people are going and Lisa, Trish and myself are nervous as hell! I dont know what to expect.
I'm going through my old LJ from when it started in 2004 to 2009 and downloading all the great old songs I used to listen to. How could I ever forget Faith and the Muse, Gary Numan, or Skinny Puppy. Jesus, I feel like I've found a part of myself that was unique to who I am today.
Regardless, expect me to be spending my 2 days off going through this and adding to my already huge itunes collection.
ps. I forgot how many surveys I did on lj, as well as incredibly immature I was. I said alot of things I wish now, I had kept to myself.
Last big car ride: driving from langley back home to east van with lisa
Last kiss:a few hours ago
Last movie seen: Psycho
Last beverage drank: lemon water
Last food consumed: cucumbers in vingar
Last phone call: calling lisa via gmail (iphone temp out of service)
Last CD played: The Cure - Staring at the Sea The Singles
Last annoyance: my empty tummy
Last ice cream eaten:about a week ago
Last time scolded: i cannot recall (this is a good thing, right?)
Last shirt worn: currently wearing a black tshirt
Last website visited the black hole know as Wikipedia
I AM: slouched in a comfy old chair
I WANT: to loose weight and maintain it
I HAVE:heavy eyes. i should be in bed.
I WISH: i could win the lottery. its about time dammnit!
I HATE: holding in my feelings in fear or embarrassment
I FEAR: debt and my nightmares of getting fired from my job
I HEAR: The Cure - Other Voices... and my cat chewing on something she's found
I SEARCH: for the blankness that is my future. sometimes it be nice to know, y'know?
I WONDER: what people really think of me but dont really want to know
I REGRET: nothing. i have grown up a great deal and learned from my mistakes.
I LOVE: my common law husband davin and my twin lisa
I ALWAYS: cry during non sad times in movies and tv shows. can you say Dr.Who?!
I AM NOT: sure about anything but i think that is the mystery of life
I DANCE: in my head. those days are behind me. hello people watching!
I SING: very badly!
I CRY: wen i have a bad day or when something sad happens on Dr.Who.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: grumpy! imagine that!
I WIN: when i play solitaire..sometimes.
I LOSE: when i give up
I CONFUSE: paperwork, verbs and peoples names if i have only met them once or twice.
I NEED: to keep calm and just breath. life is ment to be overwhelming sometimes.
I WOULD: go to italy if i could afford it
I SHOULD: turn off this music and go to bed
YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: no
YOU LIKE TO COOK: uh... *looks away*
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE:the important people in my life know all there is to know
YOU HAVE GOALS FOR THE FUTURE:sure, who doesnt. but fate likes to shake things up so i just wing it
DO YOU...like me?
HAVE A CRUSH: sure do, on davin nd have since i first saw him
WANT TO GET MARRIED: dont ask me this
WANT TO HAVE KIDS: nope.
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: i dont think i was when i was younger but lately its been pressing me to eat healthier.
BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: fate?
BELIEVE IN GOD: nope.
BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING: sometimes. depends on my mood.
COLOR: black, bugandy, buttercream, dark gray, olive green (i like dark colours and shades)
DAY: any day of that i get to sleep in
MONTH: any month during fall
SONG(S): currently i have two: Rihanna "Cheers" and Bauhaus "Boys".
PART OF YOUR BODY: my eyes
MOVIE: breakfast at tiffanys, neverending story prt 1, amelie, anything disney/pixar, tbh theres too many to list
PLACE TO KISS: in the rain or snow?
RESTURANT: bun 941, six acres, the keg
IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
HELPED SOMEONE? no but davin helped me carry the groceries
BOUGHT SOMETHING? again...groceries
GOTTEN SICK? ive been on the verge of getting a cold for the last few days *sniff sniff*
GONE TO THE MOVIES? yea, went and saw the new Planet of he Apes with Dav
SAID 'i love you'? yea, to davin and gretchen
HEARD 'i love you'?: no
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: well, i printed one off and snail mailed it for work.
TALKED TO AN EX?: no. its been awhile since ive spoken to any of them.
MISSED AN EX?: not really. why would i? an ex is an ex for a reason. and i remember those reasons very well.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: uh, what am i doing right now??
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: nope.
MISSED SOMEONE? yea, i miss my sister and parents.
HUGGED SOMEONE? i mauled davin this evening but what else is new.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? uh no, im not 17 anymore thanks.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?no.
I am deeply sadden to hear of Liz's death. Elizabeth struck me as the epitome of glamour at a very young age, and has ALWAYS been an inspiration to me.
R.I.P. Elizabeth Taylor :(
..the result is the ending of my flu, finally and thank god. It just goes to show that I wasnt allowing myself to rest and get better. When I finally did let myself rest I started to get better. Funny that. My brother-in-law also came over and Fort Knox'd our apartment with locks, wood and wedges so no fucking bastard will be able to break in here.
So after spending the night in Langley at my parents house, the hubby and I spent the afternoon cleaning our apartment, and then we managed to watch "Exit Through the Gift Shop", a documentary about Banksy & Mr Brainwash. I dunno, at the end of the film, I gather that Mr Brainwash used everyone to make money and get famous and that at the end of the day, this guy doesn't have any talent as an modern artist but is like Raphael, who was trained by Michelangelo.. a really good impersonator. Raphael couldnt make original art to save his life but he could impersonate Michaelangelo to a "T". This is what Mr Brainwash reminds me of. And I don't blame Banksy or Space Invader for distancing themselves from MBW. To me, just keep filming with your damn camera, pass the tapes to someone who CAN edit a film and stick to your day job. Personally, as an artist myself, who has put down her paintbrush for now, trying to make art for the past 20 years and still feel like I'm not even near to where I could be... and here is this wanker who watches and copies and makes a million dollars in 2 months off of a commercially imposed art exhibit.
Yea.. we're all just consumerism at the end of the day, and we encourage jokers like MBW to think they ACTUALLY have talent. Go watch "My Kid Painted That" and you'll understand what I mean. Banksy, on the other hand, is a true artist. In every sense of the word.
This is in The West Bank:
First, my boyfriend loses his job unexpectedly right after christmas. So we have to live off of my measley paycheck. Next, a guy I work with decides he doesnt like me and long story short, is trying to get my arressted. He thinks I'm a rasict, which is so far from the truth it isnt even laughable. The police have been involved and have told me in so many words that this guys is crazy, he is making everything up and is taking is anger out on me because I'm one of his bosses and had to call him out on something. Now, this morning, my boyfriend and I wake up to find that our apartment got broken into while we slept. They took his xbox, my playstation 2 and my bag which had my wallet, with ALL my id in it, plus my store key. Oh, add on that Ive been sick in bed for 2 days and feel like a garbage truck has run over me. Yea, so far Error running style: S2TIMEOUT: Timeout: 4, URL: jenlizbat.livejournal.com/ at /home/lj/src/s2/S2.pm line 532.